Meeting somebody online is more exciting than ever, but one thing we can’t ever fully police is the endless march of determined and ingenious scammers that try to take advantage of people looking for connection.

For Gen X, the number one scam is a “romance scam” where a scammer takes time to build trust with their victim. So if you only learn one thing from reading this article, let it be this:
Never send money or gifts before meeting face to face.

Nobody legit will ever ask you to help—or insist that you invest— by sending cryptocurrency, giving the numbers on a gift card, or by wiring money. Anyone who does is a scammer.

Source: https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed

Scammers build trust with Gen X over time

Dating apps and social media have given scammers infinite ways to connect and fake their way into intimacy with others. And if you’re Gen X or older, the most common so-called romance scam is for the determined scammer to spend months (sometimes years!!) pretending to be somebody online. 

Scammers have perfected seeming “real” 

Our hearts break for everybody who has been victim to an online predator. The truth is, scammers will do anything to keep you believing that they are real, making it nearly impossible for a regular person to tell the difference between a nice internet pal and a thief waiting for the right moment to strike. 

Serious scammers are very different from basic scammers

You may be feeling confident at this point, even thinking, “well I have evaded scammers before. They’re so fake looking”. But I promise you, if you can spot a scammer a mile away, what you’re dealing with is the low level wannabe scammers who have not yet perfected their system.

Anybody can be a target

The real scammers use dozens of tactics to get close to their victims over time, and if you’re at all interested in meeting people on a dating app, you’ll find it hard to tell the difference when a serious scammer matches with you. Scam victims aren’t bumbling fools either - they’re often educated, tech savvy people who want to see the good in others. 

If you want to prioritize avoiding getting scammed, here’s the main three red flags. 

1. They want to move to a new app or text platform (off of HER)
2. They avoid meeting face to face (even with “good” reasons)
3. They talk at all about making money or needing money, or any other sort of financial hurdle

The sad thing? Scammers rely on shame keeping their victims silent, so only a fifth of scams get properly reported. Other victims feel too embarrassed to come forward and pursue criminal justice. Even so, nearly 70,000 people have reported 'romance scam,' with losses topping $1.3B last year

The FBI and FTC are fighting back

The tide of scammers is seemingly endless. New scams are popping up that target Gen Z, (Link to Dani’s article) and scammers always have new tricks up their sleeves. Meaning that it’s not enough to learn a few ways to spot a scammer, at the end of the day, you simply can’t trust people until you have met in person. Agencies around the world are trying to raise awareness of these consumer scams, publishing guides (https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-know-about-romance-scams)  and statistics every year. All we know is that it’s getting worse and real people are getting robbed.

Source: https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed 

But I’m lesbian! I love long-distance connections! 

We love them too, but you’re going to have to meet up in person eventually. Penpal relationships are the most likely to escalate into romance scams, so at least meet IRL before you start to talk about things like money or sensitive private info. We hate to say it, but AI scammers are going to be able to fake phone calls and video calls, meaning that the pen pal-to-LDR pipeline is in jeopardy.

What if a user is verified?
Read more about HER’s verification here. With the rise of AI & deepfakes, the technology of scammers is moving extremely fast. You can feel safer meeting a verified user, but you still should never send them money

How to Report a Romance Scam

If you paid a romance scammer with a gift card, wire transfer, credit or debit card, or cryptocurrency, contact the company or your bank right away. Tell them you paid a scammer and ask them to refund your money.

If you think it’s a scam, report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Notify us, as well. 

Other scam help:

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed